While driving down the road, have you ever seen one of those yard signs that says, “foster parents needed”? If so, you may have found yourself wondering:
These are just a few of the questions I found myself asking before my wife and I became foster parents.
In this article, I’ll answer these questions and more, plus review my experience as a foster father. I’ll end the article by encouraging you to take the leap into foster parenting. And to open your home to what could be one of the greatest blessings of your life.
A reluctant father becomes a foster parent
My wife and I are blessed to have 3 biological children. I always thought 3 was the magic number and, fortunately, we didn’t have any issue reaching it. I thought my quiver was full after our third was born. But in 2017, my wife received a spiritual calling to serve in foster care.
This put us in a predicament and, truthfully, we didn’t see eye-to-eye on the subject for a couple of years. She was adamant we should open our home to foster children, while I was adamant we should not.
One of the primary obstacles keeping me from foster parenting was that I only had a limited understanding of what it actually entailed. I knew it was messy, time-consuming, and an emotional roller coaster.
However, I never took the time to consider the blessing foster families are to foster children. Or at least I didn’t give it much weight at the time.
After many late night conversations, my wife and I became licensed foster parents in 2019. In all truthfulness, I was very reluctant with the decision, but was willing to give it a try.
Three years later, I’m so grateful I reluctantly said yes to foster parenting.
What is foster parenting?
At its simplest, foster parents take in children and teenagers who have no parents, relatives, or legal guardians to care for them. Kids under the age of 17 enter the foster care system because they have no one who can meet their daily needs of love, care, food, and shelter.
Children and teens in this situation enter the State’s care where they are assigned to a social worker. Social workers place children in licensed foster homes. Once placed with a foster family, the foster parents have the responsibility to care for the child as they would a member of their family.
Each State agency has its own requirements for licensing, housing, do’s and don’ts, travel, etc… on the child in foster care.
For example, my wife and I were licensed in Kentucky. Before traveling out of state, we had to submit written notification to the State.
Also, we weren’t allowed to post pictures of the child on social media such as Facebook and Instagram. Or if we did, we had to blur the child’s face.
The goal of foster care
The most important thing prospective foster parents need to know about foster care is that the goal is to reunite the child with their parents or next-of-kin.
After a child is placed in a foster home, the first thing the social worker will do is develop a plan of care for the child. The parents and foster family play an important role. The plan will outline what steps the parent, usually the mom, must take to re-gain custody of her child.
This may involve rehabilitation if drugs are involved, getting a job, and securing adequate housing. A birth mom who is actively working a plan will normally qualify for financial assistance and additional services.
Part of the plan will also include family visits. Foster parents will meet the birth mother or father at a neutral location so he or she can spend time with their child, usually on a weekly basis.
While it’s possible to adopt through foster care, I don’t recommend becoming a foster parent for this sole purpose. Doing so will set yourself up for a lot of grief and mourning when a child you’ve come to love is removed from your home. The separation can be traumatic for the child, foster parents, and family members.
I know of an instance where a child who had been in the same foster home since birth was removed after 3 years. This happened because a relative stepped forward. And the primary goal of foster care is to reunite children with family. Like I said, foster care is messy.
As a foster parent, you need to be mentally prepared for your foster child to leave your home. Even if it’s not under the best of circumstances.
How does a child enter the foster system?
Drugs and alcohol abuse
One common reason children enter the foster care system is because their birth mother abused drugs while pregnant. This can result in the mother’s infant child being born addicted to drugs. It’s devastating to witness an infant child experiencing withdrawals.
When a mother or infant tests positive for drugs at birth, Social Services is called to take custody of the child. Once notified, Social Services will begin contacting foster families to place the child in a home.
Physical and mental abuse
Unfortunately, drug and alcohol abuse often leads to physical and mental abuse, as well as neglect. These too are common reasons kids enter the foster care system.
For example, a child’s parent or guardian may be addicted to drugs and spend every dollar they have to support the habit. As a result, the child goes unfed and is malnourished.
Or parents leave their children locked in a bedroom all day while they leave in pursuit of bad things. Often times, a child’s teacher will notice the signs of abuse and neglect and report it to the State.
The real life stories foster parents hear while going through training is heartbreaking.
Parent voluntarily releases custody
A child’s parent or guardian may relinquish custody of their child to the State. Typically, a single parent making this decision struggles with drugs, alcohol, mental health, finances or similar issue and recognizes their inability to meet the child’s needs. It’s in the best interest of the child to be placed in a foster home or with a family friend.
Some parents relinquish custody with the plan of getting their child back. Others release custody permanently. It’s in these cases where the child’s plan goal changes from reunification to adoption.
How does someone become a foster parent?
Foster parents are licensed through the State. Licensing can be obtained directly through the State or through private agencies contracted by the State. In either case, the State sets the minimum requirements for eligibility and licensing.
A few common eligibility requirements for potential foster parents include:
- Be able to provide a nurturing and supportive home to a child in need
- Be at least 21 years of age
- Be either single or married
- Be able to meet basic income guidelines
- Be able to provide adequate bedroom space and a separate bed for each foster child
- Have reliable transportation
- Be willing to complete 30+ hours of foster care training
- Agree to use non-physical discipline for children
- Be willing for everyone in the household to undergo complete background checks
Additionally, a social worker will complete a home study for prospective foster parents. The home study aims to ensure:
- The child has a private room or bed
- Firearms are locked in a safe and are inaccessible to children
- Fire extinguishers are present in the kitchen and garage
- Smoke and carbon monoxide detectors are present and operational
- The family has an emergency evacuation plan and map of egress
- In general, that there are no warning signs in the home
The social worker will also interview each member of the family as part of the home study. For adults, the questions are very personal and probe into the interviewee’s past. The purpose of this is to determine if there’s a risk to the child by their being in the home.
Can foster parents adopt through foster care?
As discussed above, reunifying the child with a parent or next-of-kin is the primary goal of foster care. However, it’s quite common for foster parents to adopt through foster care.
My wife and I are living proof. We adopted our 4th child through foster care. He was placed in our home in November 2019. We officially adopted him in August 2021.
From reunification to adoption
A child’s plan goal may change from reunification to adoption if there’s no next-of-kin and the parent(s):
- Terminate parental rights voluntarily, legally signing over all rights
- Fail to work their child’s plan of care as determined by Social Services
- Go missing or are otherwise unable to be contacted for an extended period of time
It can take multiple years for a child’s plan goal to change from reunification to adoption. Foster parents are in limbo during this time. There’s a real risk of having the child removed from the home if a relative were to step forward unexpectedly.
Once the child’s goal is formally changed, the foster family will be asked if they’re willing to adopt. If not, the child will be removed from the home and placed with a new family that is.
Adoption through the courts
The first step to adoption is the termination of the biological parent’s rights. Based on feedback from Social Services and the foster child’s attorney, a judge will make the recommendation to terminate parental rights.
In addition to paperwork, the second step to adoption is obtaining a court date where a judge officially declares legal adoption. The child becomes a legal member of the foster family and is issued a new birth certificate showing the adoptive parent(s) as mother and father. It’s quite a joyous and emotional experience.
The fact that adopting through foster care doesn’t cost a dime is icing on the cake. Especially when considering private adoption costs between $20,000 and $45,000.
Are foster parents paid?
In short, foster parents are reimbursed, not paid.
As most parents will attest, raising a child isn’t cheap. There are extra costs that come along with foster parenting including:
- Groceries
- Personal care items
- Diapers and wipes
- Car seat, stroller, and crib
- Child care
- School supplies
- Transportation costs
- Increased utility bills
- Extracurriculars
To aid in covering these expenses, State’s provide foster parents with a fixed per day reimbursement in the form of a monthly stipend. Each State establishes its own basic rates.
Each month, foster families submit a boarding statement to the State showing the total number of days a child was in the home during the month. The State calculates the monthly payment by multiplying the per day rate by the number of days a child was in the home.
For example, Kentucky’s rate is around $24 per day. So if a child was in a licensed foster home for 30 days, the family is eligible to receive a $720 reimbursement for the month. If the foster family was caring for a sibling set, then the monthly reimbursement would be $1,440 for the 2 children.
In most States, families who’ve adopted through foster care are eligible to receive the monthly stipend up until the child turns 18 years old, regardless of the child’s age upon adoption.
Foster children are eligible for additional benefits
Because foster children are in the custody of the State, they (and their foster family) are eligible to receive additional benefits at no added cost. Some of these benefits may include:
- A medical card for the child’s health care coverage
- The ability to claim foster children as dependents on a tax return
- A monthly allowance for basic groceries and formula
- A one-time clothing allowance to buy new clothes upon initial placement in the home
- Counseling sessions with experienced professionals
- Free in-state college tuition
In my experience, the State does a great job removing financial barriers that may dissuade prospective foster parents from becoming licensed.
Can foster parents abuse the system?
The US is home to 400,000+ foster children and teens with only 200,000+ licensed families, so the need for foster parents is great. That’s why States go above and beyond to make it easier for foster parents to take in children. Unfortunately, there are bad actors out there who abuse the system for financial gain.
There have been many cases of foster parents taking in as many children as allowable to receive the maximum foster care payment. These same parents then neglect to meet the child’s physical and emotional needs and contribute to the trauma the child was meant to be escaping.
Social workers work to prevent this from happening, but many State agencies are understaffed and unable to keep up with the workload. The ratio of social workers to foster children can be unbalanced, resulting in social workers being assigned a high number of cases per worker.
Being spread so thin, social workers aren’t always able to quickly identify and respond to cases of foster parent neglect and abuse.
Key takeaways
The foster care system is a messy place. Children and teens placed in foster care aren’t there by choice. Nor did they choose their circumstances.
There is a whole host of young people out there that need a loving family to take them in, even if only for a little while. And it takes someone like you to step up and make a difference. Will you consider becoming a foster parent?
Remember, the primary goal of foster care is to reunite the child with a parent or fictive kin. Be sure not to lose sight of this. Foster parents can be as much a blessing to the parents as they can the child.
If the birth mom of your foster child is making an effort to get well, root for her. Be her advocate and provide encouragement and emotional support.
Don’t be fooled to believe foster parenting is a side hustle or a means to generate extra income. Signing up for foster parenting with this intent is discouraged.
While adopting through foster care is a real possibility, don’t let it be your primary reason for signing up. Let your primary reason be to serve and love a child as Christ loves you, and let Him open the door to adoption.
Final thoughts
At the beginning of this article, I shared how I was reluctant to become a foster father.
- What if I’m unable to bond with the child?
- Will fostering impact my biological children?
- What if I grow to love the child only to have them taken away?
Prospective foster parents, have you ever asked yourself those questions?
This story ends with my becoming an adoptive father of a wonderful and precious little boy. What an amazing blessing he is to my family. And what tremendous love and joy does he bring to our lives, even if we don’t share the same blood.
What’s amazing is…my heart and soul know no difference. Praise be to God!
